I just don't get it..

The mentality of a woman who throws away her baby.. a baby who never even had a chance to live, to breathe, to laugh, to love and be loved, to play, to make friends..  I have known so many women who would have been on the top of the moon to be given the chance to have a baby, women who have tried for long periods of time, battling infertility.  Some have won the battle, and some are still fighting.  And this woman throws her child away, like a piece of garbage. I'm mortified, upset, sad, and angry for this baby. This poor baby that never even had a chance.. I'm hugging my babies tighter, this is a crazy world.  May you rest in peace sweet Noah.

Baby Noah's At Rest

"Don't Blink, 'cause just like that..."

I cannot believe it's been 8 months since my last blog post.  I vowed then to get back into the swing of this, and I failed!  This new life of being a mother of twins, well, wow... what an INSANE ride this has been!!  Liam and Lena, my lovlies, are ONE.  They had a wonderful birthday!  And because I cannot sum up all the incredible leaps and bounds they have accomplished in the past 8 months in one post, I will make you a list, so you get the gist!!

Lena is..

Talking UP A STORM!

Taking steps!!

Nodding her head yes, but not nearly as much as she nods it no.

Clapping & Dancing

Pointing to her belly button

Pretending to talk on a phone (such a girl)

Liam is...

GETTING INTO EVERYTHING! Cupboards, the trashcan, the toilet, you name it!

Crawling like a pro!

Going down for naps like a champ!

Eating as much as his Daddy!

Pushing anything and everything around the house

I am...

Getting 6-8 hours of sleep every night (can I get an AMEN!)

Working some waitressing hours for some extra cash

Selling Thirty-One Gift products (WHICH I LOVE)

Trying to be the best mom I can be, which has been a lesson in patience and flexibility!!

Remaining as calm as possible!

Getting pulled and tugged at everyday by two toddlers who follow me everywhere!

Thanking God for my amazing husband, who works hard and loves our kids as much as I do!

Each day is an adventure, some days I laugh, some days I cry, and some days, well.. some days I beg for a babysitter or I rip my hair out.  I'm surrounded by amazing friends, some 5 minutes away, some thousands of miles.  God has truly blessed me in this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life!! Stay tuned!!  :)   

To my 4 month olds...

Who would have thought you'd change my life in so many incredible ways in just 4 months?  You both are smiling and talking, and you make me feel like a movie star when I peek at you first thing in the morning :)

Lena, you are independent and amazing.  You aren't much for cuddling, you'd rather look out at the world!  Yesterday, you made a funny face when your uncle held up a piece of celery to you, I can't wait to try new foods with you!  Your expressions are priceless, everyone loves you!  You're trying to laugh, you are so close!

Liam, you are Mommy's little guy!  You love to be held and snuggled.  You kick your legs like you are trying to get up and run in place!  Always moving!  Such a flirt :)  You make people smile.  You love when I sing, even when I make up those ridiculous songs, you think they are the best!

I love you both!  I can't believe the past 4 months have flown by so quickly! :)  You have blessed my life in so many ways already!  I'm looking forward to all of your milestones. You will make the holidays fun this year!!

Love, Mom

Where in the world has the past four months gone?!

Now that the babes are almost FOUR MONTHS OLD!  Yes, it's been that long since I've taken the time to write in this, I thought I'd try to start again, marking milestones and memories along the way!

The past four months has been a complete whirlwind of emotions, pure bliss, extreme exhaustion, joy, frustration, laughter, and tears.  All 100% worth being the mother of these two amazing kids of course!  Liam and Lena are doing fantastic, they are weighing in at almost 13 and 14 lbs.  They are smiling, talking, and becoming two completely different people!!  We are still waiting for them to belly laugh!!  Liam has rolled from tummy to back, but does it in the privacy of his crib, b/c I've yet to see him actually do it!! They are almost sleeping through the night! THANK GOD!!  We have some nights where we are up, but I think I can handle that.  Now that they are sleeping more, I need to train myself to sleep more!!  Even when they sleep, I get up anticipating them awakening!

Past three months in a nutshell!! Look at how much they have changed!!  

Their 4 months photos will be taken on the 17th! :)

 Em and I are doing great, parenting is a whole new ballpark for the both of us!  He is working hard!!!  But he loves his kids :)  That's a quick update, and the past 4 months deserves a book of updates, but I gotta get back in the groove of writing, AND I need to shower!  Mommy Rule: Shower while they sleep!!!!!!

I have a minute!

Okay, I have a few minutes, thanks to my hands free pumping thing, thank God for that since I've been spending 3 hours a day minimum making sure my babes have something to eat while they are up in the NICU.  Anyways!

Day 11 in the NICU.  The babies are feeder/growers, meaning the only reason they are there is to take their feedings out of a bottle.  They both have a feeding tube in, b/c they inconsistently take their bottles.  Liam will take about half of his 47 cc's if we are lucky and the rest gets "gavaged" or goes down his tube.  Lena did very well yesterday, took most of her bottles and breastfed like a pro.  The doctor even lowered her feeding since she had such a huge gain (40 grams) the night before to 40-45 cc's.  Liam had lost 5 grams, so he is still at the 47 cc's.  I have a gut feeling she will be ready to come home before he will, she is just so far ahead of him on some days.  The nurses have reassured me that boys take so much longer than girls.  Liam also had a much rougher start than Lena, he came out with a lower heart rate, needing oxygen.  I'm impatiently awaiting their arrival home and we have been blessed enough to be able to stay in the hospital hotel room, which makes pumping and breastfeeding much easier.  Although, I think our time is running out here b/c there are some other mom's who will be discharged soon that may want it.  We'll see.  Please pray that they are home by this weekend or early next week.  I'd love to have them both home for the 4th of July.

I am doing well, recovery wise.  Feet and legs are very swollen and I have to go back to the doctor for a blood pressure check as it was a little elevated at today's appointment.  I'm trying to wean myself off pain meds so that I can drive.  I've been getting a little sleep, if you call two to three hour increments, enough sleep.  Even though I don't have the babies, I still have to wake up to pump for them.  I'm just very, very anxious to have them home!!!

They're here! Quick update

Lena Marie (5 lbs 4oz, 19 inches) was born at 1:56 p.m and Liam Joseph (5 lbs 4oz, 18 inches) was born by c-section at 1:57 p.m. on June 17, 2011.  It was their Auntie Sarah and Auntie Rachel's 22nd birthday, along with a few other special people :)

They are in the NICU, with standard preemie issues.  Liam was on oxygen for about an hour after delivery but that's about it.  They are both working on feedings.  Lena is a champion, she's mostly nursing now and not taking as much from a bottle.  He is giving the nursing thing a go, but he's much slower at it than she is.  She never had any feedings issues, he was pretty slow to start.  Their jaundice levels were about nine this morning, although the normal level is around one, this is pretty standard for preemies of this age, and so far they are not under any lights.  Lena's warmer is turned off, and once the jaundice is under control, they should be able to put her in an open crib!  Liam's warmer is still on, but it's on very low, so he won't be far behind.  Since Lena's sac had ruptured (the reason I went to the hospital on Thursday night), she is still on antibiotics until tomorrow.  Once she is off those and the fluids, her IV will be taken out.  She also made the decision to take her feeding tube out two days ago (clearly, she'll be a doctor), they left it out b/c she wasn't really using it anyway.  Liam is not on antibiotics anymore, and is on very low IV fluids, so, he'll probably have his IV out first :)  They are doing so well, all these details are just standard in premature babies.  They aren't even far from getting back to their birth weight, and they were exactly the same weight again last night, which is surprising to even the nurses, b/c it's rare to see.  I'm not sure when they will be home yet, I'm thinking like maybe a week?  We just have to get them eating more, on their own, especially Mr. Liam.

Em and I are doing great.  We're exhausted as to be expected, having two babies in the NICU is a lot of work, once you're finished with one, you start the other and have to be back in an hour and a half.  It'll be a lot easier once you take all the cords away, and just have babies to worry about :)  Em's a great dad, changing diapers and tshirts already.  They calm when they hear him.  Lena thinks I'm Mrs. Food, :)  They are so amazing, it makes the pain, the swelling, the exhaustion all worth it.  I couldn't ask for more.

My last weekend pregnant?

It's lookin' like this could be our last weekend as a family of two.  My BP is a tad elevated, has been since Monday, nothing dangerous, just a little bit high.  Today, we had our normal appointment.  Had our ultrasound first, babies are doing well.  Liam has smooshed his head much lower than it was Monday, and is taking up more than his share of the room.  Ellen, the tech, says they are so low, she's shocked to see me walking so well.  I told Em this morning, the pressure is almost unbearable.  Well, that would be why.  After the ultrasound, they hooked me up to the monitors, where I was having some pretty good, regular contractions, even after I took my meds.  Dr. says she's not too concerned with that b/c I'm 35 weeks with twins, nothing unusual.  They are more painful than braxton hicks, cramping and lower back ache and all.  

While, I was hooked onto monitors, we overheard the nurse telling Ellen that the doctor wanted to do the growth scan today.  When Stacey, the nurse, came in, we asked her what was up.  She told us that Liam has much more fluid than Lena, so they wanted to make sure they were growing okay.  If there was a significant difference, they would deliver them.  We went back for the ultrasound, Lena is measuring 5.1 lbs and Liam at 5.3, which is a good thing that they are still so close in weight.  Means the nutrients are being distributed evenly among them.  Lena's little body is measuring a little bit behind her head size, which is the first sign that she is starting to get cut off from the nutrients through the placenta.  They did a scan to make sure the flow was still going strong through her cord, and it was, so that's great.  Doc is trying to get me closer to 36 weeks.  Basically, Mr. Liam is taking up so much room, he's putting a lot of pressure on his sister.  When baby A has too much pressure put on them by B, they'll stop making fluid in response. 

 Doctor says we are definitely not making it til our scheduled date, she thinks probably next week.  They are going to reevaluate Lena on Monday, if there is any difference in her development or nutrient flow, they will deliver them.  So, we'll see! I'm ready for them, when they are ready for me.  Looks like we'll be parents next week, I mean, my fortune cookie did say the 23rd.... ;)