The class of '29 Journey has begun!

Preschool!  Can you believe it, L&L have entered preschool!!  I think I'm going to blog weekly about their progress, Lena's and #BusyLiam.  :)

Lena on her first day of PreK
August 15th, 2014

The first day was a Friday, how weird is that?  Lena was beyond excited for school, and was and still will, talk about her "purple kitty backpack."  She was thrilled to go, hug and a kiss, and she was off!!  That was a little too fast for me, but I was so proud of her, and I knew that I must have done something right!!  I'm so excited for her!! Learning, school, making friends, how exciting!  So far, she's done great!  She's completed two full weeks of school, and talks about the friends she has made! Sapphire & Peyton are a topic of daily conversation! Good and bad choices have been topic of discussion at school, and she is really latching onto that and applying it! She tells me all about the snacks she eats, and today she even checked out her very first library book!  She chose Fancy Nancy Stellar Stargazer.  Artwork comes home on Friday's, which for me, is very exciting!  The teacher did mention today that we need to work on "independence skills."  But does feel that part of that might come from Liam requiring a lot of attention, "middle child syndrome" perhaps.  This is something we notice at home, but I know that she is fully capable of being independent!

Artwork on our fridge!

 

Liam on his first day of PreK
August 15th, 2014

Liam is in the same classroom as Lena, which I wanted.  and feel very good about!!  He has his own one on one aide, which right now, is a substitute until the find someone for the permanent spot.  I love this lady that fills the spot right now, and really just wish she'd stay!  I hope the next one they find is as proactive and kind as she is.  The first day went ok, Liam had a hard time getting up, but he made it, and even played in the sand table, and checked out what all of the other kids were doing!

His second day of school, he woke up with a fever, and had to miss that day and the next!  What a bummer!! I was so excited for him to be at school, and a little bummed he had to miss two days so early into the year!  His first two days back, were pretty good.  He was getting acclimated to the routines, had some meltdowns with transitions, but we all expected that!  The end of his first week, ended on a rough note.  The school does not want to pick him up, so I had to go into the building to get him out of the room.  Coming in from the playground, well, it initiated a meltdown.  I found him in the room, flat out, blankie over his eyes, screaming his head off.  :(  Not such a great end.  The weekend from there on out was kind of a mess, we had a lot of birthday parties, and he was just flat out exhausted.  He got called out of church for the same reason I had to go get him out of the classroom.  So when Monday rolled around, he was not excited about going into school.  I walked in with him, and stayed for about 45 minutes, while he continued to melt.  He even hit his poor eye on an easel and bit his tongue.  Mommy cried too, it's hard to see your child so stressed out, he is getting hurt.  After that, we decided that Liam would ride to and from the classroom in a wagon!  So the next day, I walked him into the entry way, and he got into his wagon with a bit of prompting and went on his way.  Each day has improved tremendously!  They had an autism speicialist in to observe him, and put some things in place.  They are using a picture schedule with him, which he is slowly catching on to!  Today, he even went over and grabbed his backpack picture when he wanted to leave!  Today I was informed that Liam "worked" with the teacher for FIVE minutes!!  They are using his blankie as motivation, work for five minutes, then you get some snuggles with blankie.  They have created a quiet space for him when he needs some time to take a break from the craziness!  He is also staying in his centers for longer periods of time! This is amazing.  These are the goals I have for him.  Communicating his wants (whether verbally or nonverbally), engaging in appropriate play (at his centers.)  I'm slowly seeing these things happen!  He has started speech and OT this week in school.  He also checked out a book at the library, a Splat the Cat book :)  I'm loving his artwork that is coming home!

This week began on a rocky note, but it ended on a high.  I'm so proud of both of them!  Must be the teacher in me, but I'm so excited about each day!  The stories they tell, and what they will learn!  Prayers are really appreciated for the continued progress for each of them, especially for Liam!  Please pray they find the right aide for him and that he continues to make progress!!

Why I won't stop posting about autism awareness..

"Autism is part of my son, and therefore part of our entire family.."

I feel like every day when I get on Facebook, I see posts about autism.  Autism blogs, autism in the news, autism ecards, it's everywhere.  When autism became part of my son's life, it became part of mine.  I sometimes feel like I'm living in an "autism bubble."  I research all the new theories, read Warrior Mom boards, look for things that can help my son.  I am aware of autism.  But the question is, are you?

I won't stop posting about autism, because I realize that there are people out there, who unlike me, don't follow all the latest news.  Their lives aren't closely touched by autism or autism spectrum disorders.  They only hear what is blown up on national television.  They don't search for it, like I do, looking for the latest information on how to make life easier for their loved one. The truth is there are parents out there of "typical" children, who sit down to the evening news every night, maybe check out CNN.com a couple times a week, and read their local newspaper every morning at breakfast.  These parents are probably not aware of autism.  And to be honest, I don't know that if I wasn't an autism parent, that I would be as aware either.

So, pardon all my posts on Facebook about autism and autism awareness month.  Autism awareness month is not for me, and it might not be for you.  You might be in the autism bubble with me!  Autism Awareness is for the people in the world, who don't get up and search for the latest news and blog posts about autism.  The people who only hear about it when the media spreads a story here and there. Which is many more people than you'd think!

I hope that you can help spread the awareness about autism and that you won't block me from your news feed!!  I might be able to share something that you didn't know, that could help a friend whose child is newly diagnosed.  You might be able to share something with me!  Knowledge is wealth.

The Busy Life of Liam, Part III

Woo, busy day!  Took Liam to his second session of OT at the hospital.  I think it'll be amazing there!  I'm looking forward to seeing his progress with his new OT, Meg.  Lena also enjoys going to "play" and is great at giving brother his turn.  Baby has a cold, and I've been trying to keep the kids busy busy playing in the basement!  Anyways, so Liam's story continues...

After scheduling Liam’s evaluation, we learned that we wouldn’t be able to see the doctor until August.  That meant a 5 month wait.  Yikes.  5 Months.  I was very pregnant with Lydia, and the twins’ second birthday was approaching.  I just decided we would take it day by day, and his therapists were happy to learn that he could hear, because that helped them know how to better treat Liam in therapy.   I began to get impatient to get him into speech therapy, because he still wasn’t talking.  We did finally teach him how to sign for “more.”  Which was an amazing accomplishment!!  Communication, even in the smallest forms, are a huge milestone for a nonverbal child.  The closer he got to two, the more frustrated he seemed to become.  Frustrated he couldn't get his point across, frustrated with Em and I and that we did not understand what he wanted or needed.  5 pm at our house was a nightmare.  It was exhausting to battle with him, it was heartbreaking to see him beside himself.  He yelled, I yelled, he cried, I cried.  I didn’t know how to communicate with my son. With that, I started pushing to see where we were on the wait list with speech.  Clearly something else needed to be introduced for him.  We were incredibly blessed to find a spot a horse therapy facility near our home.  And three days after he turned two, we were lucky enough to start with his speech therapist, K.  

Figuring out how Liam would be able to communicate would be trial and error, and it still is.  K started implementing a picture schedule with him, and I found that to be some what successful at home.  It was however, a lot more challenging to incorporate in our routines than it is in a closed therapy session.  But Liam, kind of seems to get the use of pictures.  I felt guilty that I couldn’t figure out a way to be more consistent with it all of the time, but would use it in moments of desperation.  Keep in mind I had just had Lydia, and Lena is still in the mix!!!

The day Liam was diagnosed with autism is kind of a blur.  The evaluation was long.  Em had just gotten off work, the baby was with us, and only 2.5 months old. The psychologist talked a lot about how he feels about the word “autism.”  He said in his diagnosis, he wanted us to focus on where Liam is on the autism spectrum.  He wanted us to focus more on sensory processing disorder and sensory regulation, rather than just on the broad term “autism.”  He told us Liam was too young to tell, but there might be more to his diagnosis in the future.  He talked about motor planning being an issue in his speech, or it could be auditory processing disorder, but those diagnoses of course, would be a waiting game.  And for the record, we still are waiting.  He recommended we continue on with what we had been doing for him, and that he looked forward to seeing a big change in him.  He told me that he could not promise me Liam would ever talk, but he couldn’t tell me that he wouldn’t either.  A lot of our questions were answered, and a lot of my fears were confirmed.  I left, and I cried.  I cried, a lot.  I felt sad, guilty, angry, a little hopeless, confused, responsible.  I started blaming myself.  The times I skipped prenatal vitamins because they made me nauseous.  The french fries that I ate when I should have had a leafy salad.  Of course, all of the "anti-vaxxers" comments started ringing in my head. I felt like this was my fault.  Em on the otherhand felt better, he said now we can make a game plan.  He was right.  But I still felt like the only thing I could do at that time was cry...

With that, I will also say, loud and clear.  I am pro-vaccine.  I vaccinate my kids, and will continue to vaccinate them.  And I think you should too, but every one is entitled to their own opinion.  The benefits outweigh the risks, and the research is there and then some to point out that there is NO link to vaccines and autism.  And with that being said, thanks again for reading, and...

To be continued.... 

The Busy Life of Liam, Part II

Two posts in one day, yes I know, I'm on a roll.  I need to write or I just might eat more chocolate!

Once we knew what therapy Liam needed, we were assigned a developmental therapist through our state’s Early Intervention Program. Since the wait lists were long in the speech and occupational therapies, she was going to kind of cover all areas until we were assigned one.  S (I’ll just call her that, for privacy reasons) began with Liam right away.  He was apprehensive at first, but he warmed up to her soon.  And still to this day, every week, he’s usually happy to see her.  Liam didn’t (and still really doesn’t) know how to engage in age appropriate play.  He doesn’t know how to stack blocks, put together a puzzle, simple things that you might take for granted in your children.  He has poor hand grasp which can affect his ability to hold things, such as a spoon or a writing utensil.  These are all skills she works on with him.   When she began with him, he was incredibly unorganized.  He was unable to sit on her lap, he was unable to hold a puzzle piece, simply because he could not and did not want to focus on it.  He’d often run in circles or spin after she had him perform an activity, and fight her to finish one.  Although we have seen A LOT of improvement on this, this is still one of Liam’s biggest challenges.  Liam’s only true skill is movement, anything else is a challenge, one he generally avoids.

We were soon assigned an occupational therapist, M.  She spent most of her session swinging Liam, throwing him, spinning him.  She called him her “vestibular boy.”  If you have no idea what the word vestibular means, I sure didn’t, click here.  To sum it up as briefly and as simple as possible, in order for Liam to have the ability to focus on skills that he needs to learn, (like stacking blocks, ect) he needs to have the proper “input”  Without it, he is unorganized, and cannot focus, because he is too busy trying to find the “input.”  He is very easily overwhelmed, and unlike most of us who can organize ourselves, Liam cannot.  His system is in chaos.  Think of how you feel in Walmart on Black Friday.  Can you imagine being asked to learn a new skill in the middle of the store on Black Friday?  You’d want to, quit bluntly, get the hell out!   Confusing? Yes.  I still get confused when trying to explain it to people, and please, if I don’t make sense, ask me anything!  I’m kind of getting ahead of myself, but these are the kinds of things an occupational therapist works on with Liam.  Trying to help him learn to reach a happy level, where he isn’t underwhelmed or overwhelmed, so that he can learn how to play appropriately and learn life skills he should have at this point.  This could even include speaking.

In the spring of 2013, we were still without a speech therapist.  Keep in mind, we also still thought Liam could not hear.  He still didn’t respond to loud noises, or his name when called. He had failed 3 sound booth tests here, and we were soon referred to Madison for an ABR, which is basically a sedated hearing test where the measure the brain waves in response to sounds while he sleeps.  This is the most accurate way to learn if a child can hear.  I started doing my research on hearing aides, and how to get a little boy to keep them in.  Somewhere in my heart, I knew Liam could hear.  But I was still praying he couldn’t.  If he couldn’t hear, we could “fix” that.  We could give him the ability to hear  better in something possibly as simple as a hearing aide.  Seeing him sedated for the test was very difficult, and we were given our results right away.  Liam could hear.  I was devastated.  In fact, I went to the bathroom and cried.  Because I knew what it meant, I knew it meant the alternative, autism.  I have a background in education, I know what autism can look like.  We were then told we should probably schedule an evaluation with a child psychologist for exploration of sensory disorders.

For the record, I know that I might write as if autism is a death sentence.  And let me tell you, at the time, that’s what it felt like.  My feelings on Liam’s diagnosis have changed over time.  I still struggle with this disorder, I still grieve.  Grieve over the struggles Liam will face, that we will face as a family.  But I also know that autism can lead to extraordinary things.  And I think my boy will lead an extraordinary life, and that might even be partly because of his autism.  Liam can’t talk now, but I truly believe he does have a lot to say, and when he says it, watch out because it’s going to be amazing!  I do believe he can see things different than I can, and I do believe that he is probably smarter than me.. and maybe even all of us...

To be continued..

The Busy Life of Liam, Part 1

So, I have a lot of friends, even some family, that have a lot of questions about Liam.  What is his diagnosis? Have we seen "improvements?"  When did we first notice a change?  Do we think it is because of vaccines? The list is a long one!!  So, I thought for the sake of having it all in one place, I would make the feature of this blog post, my handsome little man Liam :)

Before I talk about his diagnosis, let me tell you what Liam is amazing at.  Looking back over the blog, I have always mentioned Liam's physical agility!  This kid, is fast!  He can run, climb, and spin with ease.  A lot of this is related to his need for input, but I have to say, I don't think I've ever really seen a toddler so graceful.  Many days, I have that "I can't watch!" reaction as he attempts something new!  I really picture him being an athlete some day.  He's a daredevil, no fear.  I wish I could say that about myself some days.  Liam loves books!  His focus on them is amazing, he loves to flip through the pages and stare at the pictures.  He is a cuddle bug, once he warms up to you, you can't escape him.  I hear a lot of people say, "my kids never want to cuddle with me!"  I honestly can't say that about Liam.  There are windows of time where he doesn't want too, but I am the same way!  Who isn't?  Many people think children with autism do not want to interact socially.  Liam is just another example of how that isn't true at all!  They want your love, your affection, your attention, some times they just don't know how!  Liam has THE BEST LAUGH. Hands down, the best giggle in the world.  I wish I could bottle it and keep it forever.  In fact, I know that when he is grown, one of the things I will most the most is that innocent giggle of his.  It's incredibly contagious.  Gosh, the list goes on!  I love my boy!

When Liam was about 10 months old, I noticed that he had not began clapping.  Of course, Lena had started, so I wondered, hm, when will he start!?  As a twin mom, one of the biggest evils is having two babies to compare to each other.  You say you won't, but if you don't, you're a liar.  Then it was waving, he never waved.  He was babbling, but not nearly as much as his sister, and let's be honest, he didn't cry as much as her either!  I brought it up to our pediatrician, who told me he saw no warning signs, and at 10 months it was too early too anyway.  I'll never forget his words "If you only had Liam, you would think he was a perfect child."  I remember thinking, he is perfect, I'm just wondering when I can expect these milestones.  One rolled around, and he was still not clapping, waving, nodding his head, 15 months came, and still none of these things, and no first word.  He didn't turn when I called his name, and for awhile, we thought he couldn't hear.  He wasn't following simple instructions, and the comparison gap between Liam and Lena, you know the one I wasn't supposed to have, kept widening.  I tried to not worry, but by 15 months, I was.  I had a nurse from the health department, who we saw, b/c of Liam's heart murmurs, directed me to Early Intervention.  "It's free, why not?"  The day his evaluation came, they brought up a whole slur of sensory issues, as well as speech.  I was floored, I was not expecting sensory concerns.  In fact, many of Liam's behaviors, we attributed to "just being a boy" were concerns.  We set in place an action plan, so that Liam would get developmental, occupational, and speech therapy.

To be continued...

MIA

Yes, I have been MIA.  Missing in action.  Life has thrown me 1,542 curveballs.  Some of them I have taken head on, some of them, I have attempted to dodge, but got smacked with anyway.  My last post, I was 10 weeks pregnant, with our third.  Our sassy surprise, Lydia.  Now, she's hitting 10 months old.  Yikes!  That's a little scary in print, isn't it?

This blog will have a new meaning for me.  It started as a way to keep myself sane while on bed rest, gosh, that was 3 years ago!!  In fact, almost to the day, I think I wrote my first blog post.  Then, it was a lame attempt on my end to mark my childrens' milestones.  But their milestones kept me so busy, I forgot to mark them! *Sigh.*  Now, it will be therapy.  Read it or not, this is mostly for me.  I need an outlet, and I love to write, so here goes.

Liam and Lena are almost three.  It kind kind of takes my breath away to read that in print.  Lydia is almost one.  That feels like a smack in the face!  It's true when they say, "don't blink."  I have become a mother of three, and overall, I feel like I'm pretty good at it.  I am successful (95% of the time) at leaving the house solo, with the three of them.  I can get them into a public place, alone, and alive.  They are fed, bathed, rested, and healthy.  Usually that means, I am not, but they are, and that is what matters to me.  They probably watch too much television, eat too many french fries, but, they are happy.  I probably drink too much coffee, don't get enough rest, and need to lose 70 lbs, but I am happy... and tired, but happy.  My husband and I can laugh, usually, at the end of the day, and that's what counts!  Without him, I don't know where I'd be on this roller coaster!  I might have fallen off in one of the upside down loops, way back when.

To my babies...

Lena, I adore you.  You're a funny, compassionate, wonderfully helpful, smart, great listener, wise beyond your years two and a half year old.  And at the same time, you are a sassy, emotional, dramatic almost "threenager."  You adore Liam.  You are obsessed with Lydia.  You love to read and draw.  Sometimes you call your Daddy by his first name.  Every morning when you wake, you find your sister to kiss her forehead.  Your cousins are your best friends, and you love your Aunties.  You use the "potty" as an excuse to get out of things that challenge you, and you use catch phrases like "Not I!" Your intelligence amazes me, every day.  You're 40 inches tall, almost 39 lbs, clumsy like your momma, wild haired, an amazing little girl.

Liam, oh my Liam.  Autism DOES NOT define you.  I will never, ever, never let it.  I can't wait to hear you call me mom.  You might not have words now, but you have learned to tell me what you want by showing me.  I know you love car rides, because you won't let me leave without you.  You will shove your coat or shoes in my face to show me!  Your laugh and smile makes your eyes sparkle, and melts my heart every time.  You are strong, and agile.  I cannot, and probably will not ever be as fast as you.  You are one of the pickiest eaters I've ever seen, but you love a good piece of pizza!  Cooler Ranch Doritos are a close second! Sometimes you prefer Mickey Mouse's entrance over my hugs, but I can accept that.  You are changing leaps and bounds every day, and I know it, I just know it, that you will, and do amaze EVERY ONE.  So many people love you, and pray for you.  So many people are keeping track of your never ending progress.  Your Daddy and I, will always be your number one fans.  And without a doubt, your sisters will always protect you.  Every day is a new day for new opportunities!

Lydia, momma's girl.  You cry when I leave the room.  You army crawl across it when I am in view to climb my legs.  I have enjoyed the opportunity to nurse you, because that is time for just you and I.  You explore everything, by touching it, knocking it down, or putting it in your mouth.  And yes, that unfortunately includes dog food!  "Mama" frequently leaves your lips, especially when you are tired, or crying.  Your giggle rocks!  You light up at your brother and sister, and I know the three of you are going to be trouble!!  Your little rolls are too cute not to blow raspberries on!  You were a surprise, but are constantly a joy.

To my husband..

I don't know where I'd be without you.  I think that is as simply as I can put it.  I probably drive you crazy most days.  By the time you get up, I'm spent.  But know this, that I always love you.  I always need you.   We have three amazing kids :)  We are so blessed!

To Myself..

Days may be long.  Days may be overshadowed by feeding kids, cleaning that food off the floor, changing diapers, making sure Super Why is on, making sure the kids are actively using their brains,  but you are doing a good job.  You matter.  You are important.   I got a "Message from God" today, it's an app on Facebook.  It said that "God is glad that you are you."  I'm glad that I am me too, most days.  I just need to keep telling myself that!  God entrusted these children to me, and only me, for a reason.  :)

To you.. 

If you're still reading, your support is appreciated, and cherished.  Your encouragement is never unnoticed.

Good Night for Now...